Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Have I always looked so bad or has it just started to happen?

I'm looking in the mirror this morning getting ready and can't help but wonder if I am looking really old or if I've always looked so run down? I put on my antiaging moisturizer that I started to wear at age 25 and wonder if it's working or not.  Olay, get it together. I look over my body. It's fat and covered in cellulite...I mean covered. Horrible. I usually think these things when I look at myself but today seemed more apparent then usual. I look over every flaw that I have and just can't believe what I see! Then, Keith's voice is heard inside my head saying that I am beautiful. He says this every single day and I know he loves me very much.  So, why can't I believe it? Then, I think what is wrong with Keith for thinking this of such a mess? Then, I think of the recent comment that I got from someone (not a client) saying that I'm the 'best thing since sliced bread.' True story. Yes, a man said that to me and it wasn't creepy but was sweet and seemed sincere.  Then, I think what low standards he must have. Now I'm confused...am I just hard on myself or are all these people liars? Is is unhealthy to hate youself so much or do women everywhere feel this bad about themselves? I'm torn between when it's 'reality' or an illusion inside of me that is just wackadoo. Guess, I'll get back to chewing my gum for 'dessert.'
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4 comments:

  1. UnknownMay 3, 2011 at 1:56 PM

    Angel Leigh!!!!!!! You are beautiful. I know what it feels like though. Sometimes we can be so hard on ourselves and notice our every flaw and then we soon forget all the good things about us. I think in time you will believe how beautiful you are inside and out. Writing in your blog will help you get things out that you have kept inside. You have what most woman don't have, you are beautiful and you have brains. :) Love you doll.

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  2. Angel LeighMay 3, 2011 at 4:14 PM

    Thanks lady. I just can't stand how I look. I'm not trying to be dramatic but I really hate everything about my appearance and know that can't be healthy. I have a huge nose, 2 chins, gray hair, I could go on and on. Well, I have nice eyes. There, I said something nice. That's an improvement for me:) You, my friend, have beauty all over you:) Thanks for being a great friend.

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  3. CarrieMay 3, 2011 at 8:11 PM

    Angel! You are so beautiful and I truly wish you could see what others do! But trust me, I do the same thing so I can't talk. We are our own worst enemies sometimes. Stop picking yourself apart lady!

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  4. Angel LeighMay 4, 2011 at 2:30 PM

    Thank you my dear! Yes, you are also a very tough critic of yourself so I know you get it. You are beautiful and need to stop picking yourself apart, too. See you soon and if you're lucky I'll have some stories on here for next week:)

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